Scams Trams and Automobiles

Hello All

Hope all is well.

Where to start - perhaps with the Taj Mahal. It is a magnificent building - its whiteness blinds those without shades. It is lined with precious and semi precious stones and so on. It does suffer from smelling of feet though as everyone who traipses through is forced to remove their shoes. The gardens are thronged with predatory indian families eager to take pictures of themselves with unsuspecting foreigners. Jayne managed to get involved with one family for about half an hour - unfortunately they didnt have a camera and we had to wait while they hailed one of the photographers over. The poor girl was there for ages while they took various different pictures of various different permutations of family. I can only imagine that there is a house somewhere in India lined with pictures of Jayne.

We had taken a cycle rickshaw to the Taj. On the way he thrust a book of recommendations written by Japanese tourists which basically said that he did good tours of the city. He offered to take us round for 100 rupees for the day (about 1 pound fifty). He was annoying me so to get rid of him I agreed to meet him a few hours later for a tour and said I would pay him after. After seeing the Taj though all Jayne and I really wanted to do was sit in a cafe, drink tea and play cards so with a slight feeling of guilt i broke our appointment. As the day wore on I started to feel a wee bit smug as it was I who had scammed the rickshaw driver rather than the other way round ( a much more common occurence I assure you). Later on we made our way back to the train station and I started to get a sinking feeling as I remembered that I had told him what time my train was back and lo and behold who should interrupt me as I tried to slink through the baying crowd of hotel touts and rickshaw wallahs. Yep my friend from before. I gave him 50 rp as pennance but he still put on a look of such hurt that I thought he may just have bought a KD Lang record on the way to meet us. Oh well - theres always a next time I suppose but I'm determined to scam someone.

Our journey to Pushkar was long and tiresome. Our train at Bharatpur was 4 hours late - fortunately every train in India was late that day so we managed to get our connection. At Jaipur we had a couple of hours wait so decided to go for a beer. We bumped into a chap called Rashid Khan, importer of jewels, seller of travel package tours and owner of something that he rather bizarrely described as a Swiss tent. He got us a couple of overpriced beers and invited us into his office - where we chatted for a while about camels, swiss tents and money as you always seem to do in India. Everyone we meet has a travel business, people can be quite deceptive as they chat away with you , but you can guarantee that after about half an hour you will have their business card in your hand and be solemnly promising (i.e lying through you teeth) to call them from your next destination.

The journey took 14 hours in all, the highlight of which was a naked, beturbanned, loco, ex-indian wrestler (according to himself) accosting Jayne and demanding that she leave India immediately. I bravely blocked with a Judo style arm move but still he persisted. Our second plan was to edge our way into the crowd Anglo style - muttering to passersby who assured us madam that he was "being crazy in the head". We jumped on our bus and made our escape.

The holy town Pushkar - where we are now - is very pleasant. Lots of nice clothes stalls and you don't get too much hassle. I have bought myself a white indian style shirt to blend in with the locals, soon I will be using spitoons and crouching everywhere on my haunches. Jayne has some lovely, lucky bangles and a pair of slouchy trousers. Pushkar has 1000 temples apparently although I have counted about ten so I think this may be something of an exaggeration. The idea is that you go down to the central lake and get blessed by a priest. Unfortunately Jayne and I got scammed by some unsavouries who tried to extort money out of us. I'll warn you now that (as a result of me giving them about 20p) I am now a bad man in India and that all my associates will have bad karma for seven generations... so no walking under ladders for a few weeks you lot - just in case.

Final news includes meeting a friend - Afshad. Afshad is a reasonably well to do muslim from Goa who is currently dating a Hindu Brahmin girl. As you can imagine this is something of a Romeo and Juliet situation. He is originally from an area of India called Bihar. To fill you in on the politicial situation of Bihar - there has recently throughout India been something of an uprising of lower caste peoples against the minority higher castes. This is all well and good apart from the horrific violence which has ensued. In Bihar this uprising has allowed a lower caste individual to become MP - once again this is all fine apart from the fact that this chap (laloo basad) is a thug and a criminal who has embezzled 180 million pounds from the local economy. Not surprisingly this eventually landed him in jail. This did not diminish his political popularity as he retained his seat and is now the minister for transport. Jeffrey Archer would love it here.

The upshot of this for Afshad is that Bihar is a very lawless place and dangerous for anyone of high caste or with wealth like himself. As a twelve year old he was kidnapped by bandits and ransomed back to his family for a huge sum of money. Ironically enough though while in captivity his jailers treated him like a prince - feeding him the finest delicacies. Annoyingly enough for Afshad's uncle - he ate so much in four days that the kidnappers added about an extra thousand pounds to their fee for food and service!

Thats all for now folks... we are heading south a bit sooner than planned as we are craving a beach and a party or two.

James and Jayne

Ps. Foggy - am 3-2 up in the Pushkar amateur pool open although my flip flops have caused a re-occurence of my old Snooker ankle. Can you get John Virgo to send that fit blonde masseuse that he bones for money out here, it really is quite painful.

Pps. Ford - weather news.... today it rained for the first time.

Ppps. Mum Phillips Jayne has sent a package home with some postcards and a ring for Jemma.

PPPS. Jemma Dixon - you obviously have a ring on the way.

PPPPS. Si - hello little Si! Heard about your date from Jayne - if she doesn't like drunk or hungover men she is obviously crying out to mow the lawn with her teeth (if you catch my lesbianic drift).

PPPPPS. Jemma Murray hello my darling - Love you lots. xx Help mum and Dad get on the blog they are searching for it on Google apparently??!