Browning it

It all looks a bit tits up for Gordon Brown as he continues to obfuscate his way from one problem to the next. Even Peter Mandelson is having a go at him with the fervour of the bullied child for once getting his own back.

UK politics has become increasingly bizarre over the past few weeks. Prescott is the world's least successful bulemic, Blair is accused of over long massages with Carole Caplin, Peter Mandelson is calling for a return to core policies. Have they all gone senile?

David Cameron of course continues to be a shining example of complete buffoonery as he divides his time between changing nappies on his webcam and out running limousines on his BMX. He has now invited ITN to film him and his family at home. Yes we get it David, you are family friendly, so family friendly that every family can only hope for a Cameron of our own. So we can be all traditional and modern at once.

In fact I think I might make that the point of this rather rambling blog entry.

Politicians are caught, like Borodin's mule between the modern and the traditional. The advantages of being seen to be either are so great that they want both and will literally rip themselves in two to achieve this.

Poor little David - on the one hand he wants to be traditional but by god does he want to be traditional in a hip and modern way. If we lived three million years into the future Cameron would simply turn himself into Jamie Oliver and have done with it. That would be Cameron's wet dream.

Boris Johnson and Ken Livingstone face much the same problem. Boris wanders around like an old, drunken fart insulting all who cross his path - but doesn't he do it in such a charmingly new way. Its almost as if Boris comes from a future where feelings have been eradicated and replaced with befuddled wit.

Livingstone with his five children by three women lurches around the inner-city like an uneducated, teenage, council estate sperm machine but appears to not give a hoot. Five kids by three women is quite the modern way - in the most traditional of senses of course.

Blair combined wooly headed, ex head boy, now minor university guitar strumming rebel fantasist, with charming statesman of the world who is unafraid to get an 'overly long' massage from his power-wifes crystal ball weilding faith healer with such success that we voted for him over and over again. He combined modern with traditional superbly - he knew exactly what a blackberry was but had no idea how to use it. He knew exactly where the Middle East was but had no idea what to do with it - a very contemporary idea indeed.

Margaret Beckett combined the look of the modern career woman with seventeenth century dentistry.

Peter Mandelson was gay but suitably embarassed about it - once again the modern and the traditional in perfect harmony.

Helen Clark is both a lesbian and not a lesbian at the same time. As is her husband.

Which brings us back to Brown whose basic failing is he wants us to think of him as New Labour when he is really old labour wishing he was New Labour, so he can stop all the lying. He wants to bring back union power so he can diminsh it once more so he can feel guilty about it and then get that eating disorder that he is so jealous of - if only he had thought of it first.

Apologies for the rambly stupid nature of this post - am trying to get over writers block.

James