Sharp Objects Banned From Parliament As Skin Thins Alarmingly

Mps from all parties were relieved today to see all sharp objects removed from Parliament. The move follows several gory incidents involving pens, staples and even sheets of paper.

One politician, who asked to remain anonymous in case anyone laughed at him, described a horrific scene.

“The honourable member only fell asleep for a couple of seconds. His head just glanced his neighbour’s raised copy of the day’s newspaper… and just like that his head split open. His ego went everywhere. It just wouldn’t stop…”.

We have been unable to show footage of this event as it’s just far too funny for the public to understand.

(written in response to New Zealands curiously draconian laws regarding the satirisation of politicians. your not meant to.... on video in parliament at least)